For a long time when Aubriana was a baby I felt shame for feeling like I wanted more time to myself. From the constant diaper changing, feedings, and outfit changes, (side note: until I discovered spit-up bibs, Bryan never came home to Aubriana wearing the same thing as she was at the beginning of the day) to finding time for a workout and a shower, the day was full.
There is absolutely no way around saying the blunt truth that motherhood, especially in the early years, is very, very hard.
I loved being able to stay home with my daughter but the days felt really long sometimes. Of course, looking back now it seems like the time flew by- isn’t that how it goes?
The first thing I want to tell you if you find yourself in this season right now or if this will be a future season for you is that it is absolutely okay for you to feel like you want more time for yourself.
What we will spend more time on in this article is what you can do about it.
I had (and still have) so many things in my heart that I wanted to do but I knew with a little one there’s no way I could do all of those things. Looking back, one thing I did right was make time for my creative outlet.
For me back then, it was working a business in the health industry I started before I had Aubriana, and I would work during her nap times. As soon as she was down for a nap, I had my laptop out working. This provided an incredible outlet for the creative things I wanted to do.
There were more things bubbling up inside of me but it was a low boil. I knew naturally, I did not have time in my schedule to do those other things. And, what I’ve realized being in the “future” of my life is that those things are coming to fruition now for the two simple facts that I have more time and qualities grew in me through that season which are serving me now.
Pastor James teaches us in James 1:2-4 that when our faith is tested it produces new qualities in us, “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
We aren’t discounting how difficult the trial is, but we are urged to be grateful for the fruit that it will produce in us.
Recently, I’ve taken on a new endeavor and it is definitely putting pressure on me but not in a bad way. It’s the kind of pressure where you’re being pushed out of your comfort zone- the kind where you have butterflies. I’ve learned over the years that the seemingly hairy scary things we feel called to do are usually good and from the Lord.
Time, trials, and perseverance through many things has prepared me to do what I’m doing now. And, what I’m doing now will prepare me for what God has next.
The Lord is faithful in all things. The tug in your heart is there for a reason, but be sensitive to the Holy Spirit for the right season.
Three quick things to remember:
It’s okay to feel like you want more time for yourself.
Make time for your creative outlet. Even just an hour a day.
Write down the other things you have in your heart. Remember that there will come a day when you can do them all.
Bonus: Cherish the moments with your kids. My 6 year-old is growing up so fast. I’m keeping this at the forefront of my mind, too.
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