I sat for about 5 minutes trying to think of a good + catchy title for these next two blog posts that go hand-in-hand relating the Enemy’s attacks and the goodness of God.
One of my purposes in life- I believe- is to live transparently before an audience that the Lord has given me. When I was beginning in business back in 2015, I was told what I should be and what my Instagram profile should look like and the wording I should use.
As an important side note, sometimes we just need to quit shoulding all over everybody. There is absolutely a place for Christ-centered advice but that’s definitely not what I received when I first started.
In mid-2019, the Lord spoke to me so clearly that it could’ve been audible when He said, I want you to brand for Christ. At the time, I had a health + fitness coaching team who was booming- in fact, the next two years were our best years in the business.
It was during those years that I started to uncover the real me and who I wanted to represent online: Christ, not me.
I knew that every story I shared about my life would inspire someone else, would encourage someone else. And, if I could do that then it was worth it to pull back the curtain and allow outside eyes to look in and see that yes, even a Christian girl who deeply loves the Lord has problems.
At the same time, I wanted to share that faith is real, relationship with Jesus is real, and He has real answers for all of our real problems.
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About two months ago, I went in to see my doctor about hot flashes I’d been experiencing, which was extremely unusual because if you know me in person, you know that I am always cold!
I was waking up completely drenched in sweat- to the point where I had to change my clothes in the middle of the night. To all my ladies reading this, your automatic response is, that girl’s going through menopause!
At 36 years old, it can definitely happen but it’s rare. Since this was so out of the ordinary for me, at the advice of my mama I made an appointment with my doctor to see what was going on.
I had a complete blood count done, and to my surprise the hormone levels in my body were totally normal. But, there was something found in my white blood cells that was a cause for concern.
My doctor ordered a peripheral blood smear, so that meant I had to go back for more bloodwork. I have to pause in the story and say, while some people have a fear of going to the dentist or many other things, for me, I have always despised getting my blood taken or getting any sort of shot. I know it was by the grace of God that I didn’t totally freak out or cry during these lab sessions!
The blood smear report came back and showed similar results as the one I received before but it was much more detailed and included a diagnosis: neutropenia.
Neutropenia comes from a type of cell within your white blood cells called neutrophils. If you’d like some fascinating reading material, then you can definitely look it up to learn all about it :-).
The symptoms of fatigue and other things I’d been going through lined up with what had been found. My doctor referred me to an oncology/hematology center to have, yes, more bloodwork done.
Through this process, I was speaking the Word of God to my body, my family was praying for me, and I was able to keep up with my daily tasks with home + work but it was definitely different.
My hematologist was absolutely incredible! I couldn’t have asked for a better doctor- thank you, Lord.
He had a full workup done, and the results showed that my white blood cell count had come up slightly putting me into the normal range. Then, another flag. The test also showed that my IgA levels were extremely low.
Again, if you’d like more riveting reading material, you can totally Google that, too :-).
My doctor ordered an iron infusion, which I actually had done just two days ago. My lovely husband, Bryan, snapped this gorgeous photo of me having it done, which I naturally wouldn’t want to share but in all pursuit of being transparent, here we are.
The extremely humbling moment… I was in a room surrounded by chemo patients. The precious lady who was next to me had no hair, appeared to be struggling through the therapy, and was being cared for by who I assumed was her beloved son.
All the chairs in the room were full. Another man came in for his treatment and had to actually sit in a chair outside the room.
I sat there with tears in my eyes and prayed for these people that the Lord loves so much. The Lord didn’t cause cancer, He isn’t the author of disease, and I wanted so badly for every person to get up and be whole and healed.
It wasn't a coincidence that I walked into that place wearing a sweatshirt that said "Pink on Purpose" that I got at my church's recent women's conference. Pink is the color we use to bring awareness to breast cancer and it's the color we, as a congregation of women, wore a couple weeks ago to bring awareness to the goodness of God!
My natural eyes saw hurting people in that room. My eyes of faith saw those people walking out the door set free from this horrendous disease.
I don’t know all the next steps for me in my journey with all of this, but I do know that I serve a God who is bigger than any problem. That isn’t the language of “Christian-ese” to me. It’s the language of truth.
I’ve experienced too much to deny His healing power. I’ve seen too much to believe that He isn’t good in all things.
While I do not know all the reasons why some get healed instantaneously and for others it may take months or years, and for some they move on to their eternal Heavenly home.
What I do know is a scripture that I stand on every single day that says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” - Romans 8:28
I also love The Message version of this scripture, “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
Sharing our stories with others is so, so important because it encourages our faith! While we may not even have the full answer yet, just like I don’t in this moment, we can still preach what we know to be true.
There is nothing more real and true than the Word of God.
I do not share the hard things in my life to glorify the problems, I share to show off the One who is my Helper, my Advocate, and my Strength (John 14:26).
In the next blog post, which will be part two, I will share the goodness of God in another area of my life.
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